When it comes to cooking, I wish I could say that I’m cool,
calm, collected and in control like Julia Child in her famous TV show. Instead, more often than not, I’m more like
Bridget Jones and her ‘Blue String Soup” or Julie (in Julie and Julia) in her
lobster execution scene – and today is a good testimony.
True to everything in life, when you are out of practice,
your skills become rusty (and the fact that your mind wanders does not help
the matter, either). It's been almost six months that I haven't really made an effort to learn how to make new dishes. And when your skills are rusty, believe me, it shows!!!
Today, I developed major cravings for pasta as I went on a
cheese shopping spree yesterday. Thought
I’d make Barefoot Contessa’s grown-up Mac and Cheese with Gruyère, but it
seemed too much work for Sunday brunch, so I decided to stick with the easy and
classic Alfredo sauce. As it turned out,
the only pasta I had left in the pantry was elbow macaroni. Il
signor Alfredo Di Lelio would probably cringe at my bastardization of his
famed Fettuccini Alfredo, but hey! Il Mac is the new ‘haute cuisine’ in
America; so, why not? Right?
Meanwhile, I also got a big bundle of Japanese eggplant with
which I wanted to make the famous northern-Thai-style dip (Tum Ma Kua) – and they
needed grilling – So I thought with agile multitasking, I’d have the pasta for
brunch, and then the dip for my light dinner.
“Sounds like a great plan.” I thought while imagining
sitting down on my sunny deck with the scrumptious bowl of macaroni Alfredo,
then cleaning the palate with my yummy home-made lemongrass ice cream and
aromatic coffee.
I turned on the oven, heated the skillet on the stove, popped the eggplant in the oven, and turned to the sink to start deveining my plump tiger prawns. I must have taken too long, or had on too much heat, but when I tossed a big cube of butter into the skillet, it was too late… “Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! ” I groaned while tossing the prawns in quickly and the skillet sent out a very loud, pleasing hiss and buttery aroma, but then…
The smoke alarm blasted out the ear-shattering siren and I
was frantically running around opening the door and windows and waved anything
I could find to disperse the smoke.
I have a love-hate relationship with smoke alarm. On the one hand, I’m happy that it is working, but on the other, it’s like a “siren of shame” that is set on a time-bomb and ready to blast out for everybody in your neighborhood to know that,
“You mess up!”
So, after much commotion to subdue the alarm, I turned back
to my now lackluster prawns in brown butter and turned back the heat, poured
some milk instead of heavy cream, scooped in the freshly grated
Parmigiano-Reggiano (calling it by the Italian name really makes me feel like a
big chef – it just has much more panache than “parmesan cheese” – seriously).
All of a sudden, I heard a big “Poof” from behind the stove,
followed by a long hissing sound.
“Great! Now my gas pipe broke and I will die from gas
explosion.” I feared the worst.
“Or maybe somebody climbed on my roof and fell off.” -- equally
horrendous but less of a calamity and it involves other people. Man! What a good Buddhist I am.
“I’d better go check.” I turned off the stove, sprint out
the door before my now-demented mind could come up with something more
unfortunate.
Nothing! Everything seemed normal. “Hmmmm.”
Then it dawned on me, “Of course! The eggplant!!!!!”
Sure enough, I opened the oven door and one of the eggplants
had exploded – Not a pretty sight, but much better than gas explosion, I’m
telling you – it’s better to be the eggplant and not my head, that is certain.
But all’s well that ends well (I really never get this
expression. Seriously! What does it even mean, Maestro Shakespeare? But when
you look at the translation “If the end result is good, then everything is
good.”, then it does make sense. Anyway,
I digress).
In the end, I regained my equanimity, did enjoy the beautiful
fruits of my labor and felt truly blessed.
How can you feel anything but gratefulness? I’m living in the ‘Land of
Gold’**.
** Note: California was the name given to a mythical
island populated only by beautiful Amazon warriors using gold tools and weapons
in the popular early 16th-century romance novel Las Sergas de Esplandián (The
Adventures of Esplandián) by Spanish author Garci Rodríguez de Montalvo. This
popular Spanish novel was printed in several editions with the earliest
surviving edition published about 1510. The novel described the Island of
California as being east of the Asian mainland, "very close to the side of
the Terrestrial Paradise; and it is peopled by women, without any man among
them, for they live in the manner of Amazons." The Island was ruled by
Queen Calafia. When the Spanish started exploring the Pacific coast they
applied this name on their maps to what is now called the Baja California
Peninsula they originally thought was an island. Once the name was on the maps
it stuck. - Wikipedia